im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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