My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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