my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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