Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
