You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
