I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
