Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
