i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Randomize
