think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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