i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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