Well apparently he's into motor boating.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
How external is "for external use only"?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
