Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
it's great music for shaving your balls
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
