Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
