Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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