I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
