And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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