I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
