Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
