Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
