I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
