k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
