Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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