Me. At least after what I've been through.
this beer tastes like vomit already
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
