get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
