You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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