the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
