Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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