I'm going to jail i love you
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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