You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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