How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
