What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
