Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
