im holly from the hills drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
