I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
