maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
