he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
