chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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