I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
