I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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