the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
