I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
