Pregnant stripper...not hot.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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