I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
