Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
