Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
