yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
