he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
