It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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