It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
