at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I think people are normalizing furries
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
